Is it Tuesday somewhere in the world?
Tivoli was fun. Emilie and I screamed a lot and Josh was pretty silent on the rides. By 5pm we were completely wiped out and dragged our tired asses up the walking street to a cute restaurant for dinner where we induced intense food comas and dreaded having to muster up the energy to drink more alcohol.
We made it over to Casper’s at the arranged time and began to drink and chat. It was a lot more mellow than I had anticipated. Casper & Dennis drank a bottle of red, Josh drank a bottle of white wine and I drank beer. Then another bottle of white was opened. I drank more beer. Then we all hopped in a cab and went to Sebastopol to visit Pauline. Boy, was she thrilled to watch us walk in her door. She looked at us like we were transporting viles of the ebola virus or something. And I swear we were not drunk - yet. All that changed very shortly.
After forcing champagne down our throats, Casper convinced Josh and I to go to his favorite gay bar where we supposedly stayed for less than an hour. I don’t remember much at that point in the evening because I broke one of my cardinal rules - I did shots. I didn’t volunteer for it either - Casper made us. Then everything is a very brief series of snapshots. I see a flash of doing more shots. I see a flash of some New York City gay boy I chatted with. I remember the high decible level of my voice and cringe. I see a flash of Josh, Casper and I strolling through the main square with French Hotdogs - mmmmmmmmmm. Then I was a little more lucid …until we crossed the lakes and I turned the corner (literally and figuratively.)
I remember having to pee and knew I wouldn’t make it all the way home. So i popped a squat in the street. Picture my cold bum, with poor Josh staring at me like, “Honey, you need help in so many ways right now.”
And then I realized I was losing my balance. I tried to grab onto something, anything to stop the inevitable. Of course, I was unsucessful. So then I’m on the cold cobblestones at 4am with my bum exposed to the world and I’m desperately trying to stop peeing all over myself until I can get back into the squat position. Poor Josh had to help my half-naked self get up and I’m pretty sure he held onto me until I finished peeing. I least I didn’t pee on him - at least I hope I didn’t.
Then I put my pants back on in such a rush that my panties were all bunched up and super uncomfortable but I didn’t care because I was so embarassed and just hoped that moving in fast forward for a few moments would take me far enough away from my moment of humiliation that I could start to forget about it.
When I woke up this morning, I had no panties on. I know I had them on when we got home. But I woke up in my pajamas and no panties. What’s that all about?! I mean, anytime I take off my panties, it’s to shower, pee, or put on a new pair of panties. So I searched around all morning and can’t find my panties. I looked in the trash, out the window, under the couch, in the bookcase, EVERYWHERE. Nothing. I really don’t understand.
Then of course, when we get to my parent’s for dinner, Casper thinks it’s a good idea to tell them that the first thing I said to him when he called me this morning was that I lost my panties. Of course, he then has to tell them the story. And when the grandparents, my parents, Josh, Damien, Pauline and I sit down to dinner, Martin decides it’s a good idea to announce it to the grandparents. Great. Looks like this topic will be brought up on a regular basis for the rest of my life.
November 22nd, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Tha is funny shit. I was just checking up on your site and I started to cry when reading this post — the thought of you pissing yourself bare-assed in the street made me laugh so hard.