Handicapped Restroom
When I go into a public restroom, I try to use the stall which is furthest from the restroom entrance. In my logic, most people are lazy and dart into the nearest stall which would leave the furthest stalls less visited and thereby cleaner. Most of the time, the very last stall is handicapped, which I like because it’s so spacious. And as Ixel can tell you, sometimes I hang out in a stall like it’s my own private party behind a velvet rope and only people on my exclusive guest list can join me. (One night, I may have been a little tipsy and Ixel came looking for me in the bathroom. When she found me, I pulled her inside the teensy weensy non-handicapped stall and we each stood on either side of the toilet and I proceeded to have a long and detailed conversation with her. No one was peeing. There really wasn’t any reason to squeeze into such a small space but I guess I just wanted to hang out in there. Luckily there was no one waiting or we would have had some seriously pissed girls - no pun intended.)
Don’t get me wrong, I would never park in a handicapped parking space but I don’t really think peeing in the handicapped stall is the same thing. In fact, in my entire life, I have never once been in the restrooms at the same time as a handicapped person. So it’s not like I’ve ever inconvenienced anyone. Although, this one time at the Chicago airport, there was a really grumpy old lady in the restroom and she was pissed at me when she saw me leave the handicapped stall. Apparently she was waiting for it and how dare I?! I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Calm down, Lady. Life’s too short. Besides, you’re no more handicapped than I am so there’s really no point in continuing this conversation." Kathleen Newlove, coming through!
Last night at Dan Wilson’s birthday party, I went into the restroom at The Spaghetti Factory. I was blown away for some reason by the fact that the first stall in this bathroom was the handicapped stall. I’m so used to the spacious handicapped stalls that I didn’t know where to go! Should I continue walking to the end and pee in a teensy weensy stall that is most likely the cleanest in the room or should I take a chance on this spacious but probably dirty handicapped stall?
Conundrum.
April 5th, 2006 at 12:16 am
Darling, do you watch Curb Your Enthusiasm? Larry David may sue you for use of his “ideas.”
On another note, though, think about the dilemma men go through when approaching a wall of urinals. There’s a whole silent but golden set of rules to that whole ball of yarn. 3 men peeing - 5 urinals, there will ALWAYS been one space between each guy, trust me! 2 men peeing, there will be 3 empty urinals between them. Men avoid peeing next to one another.
That’s right, baby, it’s a science. Ask Brad.
:)